Do As I Say, Not As I Did
As I have said before, the information I present is based on my experimenting with how to do things. In this case, my family (wife and two daughters) were also part of the experiment, which at this point has taken almost 50 years and is still ongoing.
I started running as a sophomore in high school (in the mid-1960s). That was an era in which distance runners were encouraged to have high mileage workouts. My high school track coach, Mr. Ed Zarowin (or Mr. Z as we called him), was in my opinion an excellent coach for distance runners. He encouraged us to rack up the miles. We were rewarded with special tee-shirts when we hit select milestones (250 miles, 500 miles, and 750 miles). He also encouraged us to try to work out both before and after school. I did not go to a neighborhood high school so I had a daily one-way commute of over one hour, which made it difficult to participate in morning workouts. I went to summer school between my junior and senior years so I could have a first period study hall. I then went to the gym to work out during first period.
In college I continued trying to do twice a day workouts. My first roommate was not a runner, so I would wake him up when I got up for my morning run. After a few weeks I switched roommates so that my morning running partner became my new roommate. We ran together in the mornings for a few years. After that I ran on my own in the mornings.
After graduation I moved back home with my parents. I would go for a 45 minute or longer run every day after work. Eventually I found a new running partner. We would work out a few days each week. On those days I would get home after 9:00 p.m. I also belonged to a running club/team. We would meet one night during the week and on Sunday mornings for long (10+ miles) runs. Mom was great about all this – she would always have dinner for me, no matter what time I got home.
About 8 months after I graduated from college I met a young lady who I am now privileged to call my wife. She got off work a few hours earlier than me. She would travel from mid-town Manhattan to downtown Manhattan where I worked, so we could travel home together. Every evening I would drop her at her house and then go home for my evening run. We would also spend time together on the weekends. Sometimes she would come with me to my Saturday morning races (even if it was raining or cold). If there was no race I managed to find time to run either before or after seeing her.
I ran the Boston Marathon shortly after I met Paula. When we selected the date for our wedding, it was based on giving me sufficient time to recover after running Boston a second time (as an aside, I did not enter or run Boston that year due to work interfering with my training).
In high school I had been encouraged to run 7 days a week. The mantra was, every day you did not work out you needed two days to get back to the condition you were in before you took a day off. This 7 day a week mentality continued through college and in the beginning of my post college running career.
As you can see, my running played a very prominent part in my life and most everything and everyone else was secondary.
When we got married I tried to continue my 7 day a week running routine. I would come home from work and rush to change and go out for my daily run. On the weekends I still tried to get in a run both Saturday and Sunday. As you might imagine, my new bride, a non-runner, was not happy with me since I was ignoring her for my running.
A few paragraphs earlier I said that my Mom was great about having dinner ready for me whenever I was ready to eat. When I read that paragraph to my wife she thought that I was setting up to criticize her for not being like my Mom. Actually I have just the opposite message. Moms sacrifice for their children, because that is what they do. It took me a long time to realize that a wife is a partner and I needed to consider her in my choices.
After a few months I realized that running both Saturday and Sunday was having a very negative impact on my family. I decided to cut back to just Sunday morning (which I thought was a big compromise on my part). Over the years we have moved many times. Depending upon the commute and work start time I have moved my runs back and forth between evenings after work and mornings before work. My intent was to minimize the delay in family dinner and avoid waking up the family earlier than needed. Through this all I continued running Monday to Friday. I only cut back to a less rigorous running schedule when my body told me it needed 36 to 48 hours recovery time between runs, not because my family needed more of my time.
It took me many years to realize that I needed to reorient my priorities. My running will always be important to me (it is part of how I define myself). However family has to be more important. Family time needs to take precedence over my need to run. Right now I run primarily to maintain a level of physical fitness. I know that I could run a 5K race, but the competitor in me would not be happy with the time. So I choose not to race. In a few years, when I retire, I expect that I will have more time to devote to my training and then I will return to racing.
I expect that many of the people who are reading this are new runners. You may have just started running in the past few years. You have goals of some sort, be it a specific race time or race distance. My advice to you is to go for it. There are many training plans you can find on the internet. Try them and see what works for you. You can also seek advice from your fellow runners. At the same time remember that you are part of a greater world – family, friends, work, etc. Try to get them involved in your passion either as active participants or as part of a support team. If the support is not there, do not be discouraged or quit. However, you need to develop a compromise plan that allows you to meet your goals while still giving proper consideration to your family, etc.
Albert
Do you want my dad’s two cents on your running question? Contact him at Dad{at}MommyRunsIt{dot}com. And for more great advice and information, be sure to check out his other posts!
Albert is the proud father of Mommy Runs It’s owner Sharon Wilhelm. He has degrees in Nuclear and Mechanical Engineering and is a licensed Professional Engineer in Florida and is also certified as a Project Management Professional. He started running as a sophomore in high school (Oct 1964), and never stopped. In high school and college he was a middle of the pack runner. He hit his peak as a runner in the first 10 years after graduating college. Though never achieving a champion performance, he ran some decent times (5K – 16:58, 5 mi – 27:07, 6 mi – 33:00, 10K – 34:58, 13.1 mi – 1:36, 20 mi – 2:20:51, marathon – 3:37:48). Currently he runs primarily to maintain a level of physical fitness. He hopes that when he retires in a few years he will be able to increase his training and return to competitive running. His secret (not so secret any more) ambition is to be a high school track coach; not to produce champion runners, but to instill the love of running in these young people and pass on his experience.